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Friday, March 4, 2011

Thinking about the different people that have made me who I am today. Both wonderful and scary. (People and situations) I then start to think about who I am and who I have been. I have been so many different people that if we were all together we would be a modern day Sybil. I have been a heartless partier, a popular school girl, a lost school girl, a lost partner, an addicts enabler, a mom, a partner, and so much more. Who have you been?

Benefit of the Doubt

Dear Mother Nature,
This morning I stepped outside only to discover that it was freezing yet again and I was initially disappointed in you until I got to thinking. Maybe you were simply confused? I then checked the weather channel when I arrived at work and noticed something that may explain it. I noticed that Portland, Oregon has temperatures that are almost 40 today and being the understanding person that I am, I gave you the benefit of the doubt it seems that you may have just given the temperature bump to the wrong Portland. So here it is, would you mind sending some warmer weather this way to Portland, Maine 04101. The coordinates are 43.66713 N, 70.20717 W. Thanks in advance for your consideration.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Beautiful and Smooth

Dear Icy Driveway,
Although I know you are beautiful and smooth, its just not going to work this time. I can not take your cruel sense of humor. You make us feel confident by looking like you are clear until we set foot on you........... I will fix you. Tomorrow morning before I step foot out the door I will turn you in to an ugly dirty mess. I will throw out the salt and dirt so I will not face the same peril that I did this morning. Now I must let you know that this is a sacrifice for me as well, because this means that I will get my cute black heels dirty just for the sake of staying vertical on my way to the car. Until the morning. -Sam

Mother nature and Figure Skaters

Dear Mother Nature,
I can not say that I am impressed with the trick you pulled this morning. I looked outside to see a bright sunny day with beautiful skies. I grabbed my jacket and put it over my arm and quietly stepped out the door to enjoy the beautiful weather...... did I say beautiful???? I meant f***ing cold ass weather that instantly took my breath away. I then went down my front steps to a beautiful patch of ice that an olympic skater would be proud of. Alas, I am not an olympic skater. I did however, manage to keep myself vertical in my pretty, yet useless in the winter, heels. Now I am sure that you do things like this for humor, so I'll give this one to you. But could you turn up the heater just a bit so I can enjoy it a bit more?

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I know... but tell me it doesn't bother you.....

I think there are certain things that you can buy the bargain brand of and certain things that you can’t. Toilet paper is one that you can’t, and shouldn’t expect your guests to use either! From now on I’m gonna travel with my own roll for such occurrences… lol…… and…… if you could make sure your roll actually rolls so I am not rationed one sheet at a time..... or that if I run out your new rolls are in an easy to find place instead of the hallway closet forcing me to yell to someone while I am at my most vulnerable……and lastly, although, I know you don’t have much control…. Is there any way to make sure your toilet flushes so I am not stuck staring at my toilet paper swirling around while at the same time I am praying for it to go down only to watch the water rise… and on that note, please keep your plunger centrally located near the toilet paper that I had mentioned earlier to ease the embarrassment…...